Okay, I am SO aware that this makes me a huge Huge HUGE HUGE HUGE nerd, but I AINT EVEN BOVVERED. And I know I have followers, some of which are my friends that are going to judge me SO hard core for this, but WHATEVER GUISE. WHATEVER.

Okay. This is going to be SUPER watered down seeing as all written out, it is currently 279 pages of 11pt, single-spaced, calibri font. 

SO. A while back, a friend of mine and I started texting things like BORED -SH to each other when we were, in fact, bored, and it escalated at an alarming rate to a full-on SH RPG with DW cross-over. 

Kay, here is a SUPER brief—although really not that brief of a summary (this is post-Reichenbach, btw)

Irene starts texting Sherlock about 6 months after he miraculously comes back from the dead. One things leads to another and they have dinner—literally, not Irene’s ‘Let’s have dinner’ dinner, if you get my meaning. Anyhow, they do this a couple of times before they notice someone has been following them, to these meals, at one of which, Sherlock is drugged. The next time they go out, they see the man, and Sherlock decides to approach him, seeing as the man is blatantly watching them. Sherlock goes over and low and behold it’s our favourite colonel, Moran. 

They talk, and using some persuasive means, gets Sherlock to “go one a walk” with him, where he leads him to an abandoned building and tells Sherlock that he isn’t going to try and kill him for killing Jim just yet, but has a crime for him to solve involving 25,000 pounds worth of stolen money and a poker game that went south. If he doesn’t take the job, he’ll follow through with Moriarty’s original threat to kill John, so Sherlock agrees.

Stuff happens, Sherlock keeps undermining “Sebby” and refuses to “learn his place,” which is, of course, “beneath” Moran, so Moran roughs him him and then goes to kill John, locking a bloodied Sherlock in the a room in the abandoned building. Finally, he manages to get out and back to 221B, just as John hit’s Moran over the head, knocking him unconscious. John, also bloodied, after a scuffle with the colonel, faints, and the Sherlock calls Lestrade who arrests Moran—as he was engineered a killing via sniper on Baker Street the other day (in hopes of motivating Sherlock to start taking him seriously).

Blah, blah, blah Sherlock is bored. Him and Irene eventually get drunk and hook-up one night. In the morning, they are kind of both like WHOA. WHAAAT JUST HAPPENED. Sherlock, is staring to really like Irene, but she is pretty much like: No. Nope. No way. And says they shouldn’t see each other again, so she disappears to Egypt and to travel around, while a depressed Sherlock picks up a minimal drinking habit and goes about his work, more irritable than usual. After a couple of weeks, Irene comes back and they still aren’t talking. One day, Sherlock gets a text from her saying they need to talk and he should come over to her place in Belgravia. He does so, and is met by two of Moran’s lackeys, who proceed to tell him that if he doesn’t lie about Moran on the stand, all hell will break loose, and besides, the jury has already been rigged, so there isn’t a point in telling the truth anyway.

Sherlock manages to make the men feel like idiots, and then with Irene’s help—who was tied to a chair, he manages to get a hold of their guns and untie Irene, who conveniently and (obviously) has handcuffs stashed away in the desk drawer, and they handcuff the two men to the banister while they wait for the police. The police figure out that her house is bugged and this leads her to spending the night at Baker Street, and Sherlock tells Lestrade about the rigged Jury, causing Moran’s hearing to be pushed back a week to bring in a new jury. In the meantime, Sherlock and Irene decide to get back together, much to John’s disproval. 

The night before Moran’s trial, Sherlock tells Irene that he loves her, and she freaks out, saying thins like—“Take it back-” and “It was never supposed to go this far-” and so, hurt, Sherlock takes it back and goes to leave, and Irene tells him sorry and to be careful, at the trial the next day, as Moran is smarter than he lets on, Sherlock, unsure of what she means by that leaves. The next day, Sherlock testifies and Moran is somehow is able to get off, and continuing in Moriarty’s footsteps, shows up at Sherlock’s door soon after, to thank him for being responsible for getting him off and proceeds to say that he really couldn’t have done it without Irene. Sherlock is all…what is that supposed to mean? And Moran says, “Why don’t you go and ask her yourself?”

Sherlock tells Moran to get out and texts Irene then goes to her house where she, tells him that she’s been working for Moran all along, and that he had made her an offer she couldn’t refuse and that now she had finally ‘conquered’ Sherlock. Sherlock, who really was in love with her, is completely debilitated by her words. Irene tells him she feels sorry for him because now he is just a shell of the great man he used to be, even though Irene really did love him back and previously tried to get out of her and Moran’s arrangement. 

Sherlock leaves, heartbroken and a few months go by, during which he realizes that Moran had never actually had the first jury rigged, but had told Sherlock that so that Sherlock would tell Lestrade, insuring he gets a new jury, a jury which Moran had someone pick for him, allowing the fresh batch of jury members to be coerced. Sherlock spend the next few months taking on cases and trying to go back to life as it was before, not knowing where Moran is. One day, he receives a post card from Irene asking for forgiveness: he throws it away. She sends a second postcard and parcel containing a fez. He tosses the letter, but puts the fez with his deerstalker on the bookshelf, telling John he can have it if he wants. A few more cards come, but he tosses them, even the last one saying she is coming back to London and wants to meet with him. A few days later, he starts retrieving texts from her, saying she wants to meet him and that she can help him find Moran. Sherlock ignores them until finally he texts her to leave him alone and to find another source of entertainment, as she’s already won and he doesn’t want anything to do with her. 

A few days later, Sherlock comes back to a John-less flat to find Irene sleeping in his bed. He doesn’t wake her up, but retreats to the sitting room to wait for her to wake up. She does so, and explains to an unresponsive, Sherlock how she had been working for Moran, but then after their first night together, decided to leave him, no longer wanting to have to feed information to Moran on him, hoping Sherlock would be angry about it, forget about her and move on, but Moran found her and threatened to kill him unless she goes back to him, so she does, secretly glad that she gets some extra time with him. She goes on to say that she fell in love with him and that she never wanted it to get that far. Sherlock dismisses her, and Irene leaves wearing his robe, which appears a few days later sitting on his bed. Sherlock texts her and they meet up again to talk, Irene still wanting forgiveness, but Sherlock not giving it to her, A couple of weeks pass with a few more meetings before Sherlock finally gives in, still in love with her.

One morning, after Sherlock spends the night with Irene, she receives a phone call in the morning which happened to be Moran, saying he’s bugged the flat and can see them together. Moran talks to Sherlock and informs him that he’s taken John hostage, and he plans on killing Irene, so naturally, Sherlock trades himself for John and tells Irene to make use of her connections and flee the country. 

When Sherlock arrives at the address Moran texts him, he finds John in a terrible state, including a head wound and several broken fingers. Moran lets John go and moves Sherlock to a new location. Blah blah blah, lots of threats and pistol whips to the face then John and Irene somehow manage to track them down and Irene shoots Moran in the head while John is untying Sherlock.

Blah blah blah some boring lulls in the story that include a night of the three of them getting super high on opium.

Fast forward a month or so. There is a new serial killer in town (this bit would take a really long time to tell, so we’re just going to SUPER breeze by it now) her name is Constance. She is an ex-nun who is killing people who in her opinion, violate the seven deadly sins, and then paints their nails a colour that is fitting to their sin—for example, the first death had seven fingernails painted and the name on the polish bottle she left as her ‘calling card’ was Green Envy, etc. She also has it planned out in advance, and plants skin particles of her next victims under the nails of the previous one. Sherlock and Irene both make the list of her sin violators as Irene is an ‘adulteress’ and Sherlock had an unbelievable amount of ‘pride’. She stabs Sherlock in a cathedral, leaving him to bleed out, but a vicar finds him and calls the police so he ends up being okay, if not completely insufferable to everyone while he is recuperating. Constance strikes again later on, getting both Sherlock and Irene together, but lots of stuff happens, and the manage to get out alive—MOVING ON! 

Kay, so then there is another lull in the plot line, when one day, an elderly gentleman named Duncan shows up at 221B with a case for Sherlock. The man insists he isn’t mad, even though John believes him to be so, Sherlock takes the case. The man asks Sherlock to help him find someone. He starts by telling Sherlock about when he was just a boy during the Blitz and the sirens went off. He was alone in the streets when a “floppy-haired man with a red bow tie and elbow patches” came out of no-where telling him to run. He looked behind him and could see some sort of unidentifiable thing chasing them. Eventually, the man got them into a bomb shelter and the man disappeared. Almost 80 years pass and then just last week, Duncan says he say the same man again, unchanged, stepping out of a ‘blue police box’, the ones that were decommissioned years ago. 

Sherlock takes the case, interested in the unaging man, and promptly starts to try and track him down, alerting his homeless network to his description, someone’s heard of him, and connects the name the “Doctor” to the man.  Sherlock to to Portobello Road, where Duncan last saw the box, but it’s gone. They step into a cafe so John can eat and Sherlock searches ‘The Doctor’ on his phone while John does the same on his laptop, which he brought with. They come away with two leads, one being ‘Torchwood’ and another being ‘LINDA’—London Investigation ‘n detective Agency, a website which is run by a man named Elton Pope. Sherlock gives him a call and that make a date to go and meet Pope at his home. Torchwood is wrapped in mystery, and they are unable to find anything more about it, so Sherlock begrudgingly calls Mycroft who in turn, tells Sherlock that not even he can get information of Torchwood, but if he wants information on it, he should contact a woman in the Austrian Embassy, which they do, and are only able to get a little more information than they already have, including that this Doctor is supposedly ‘an alien’.

Later in the week, Sherlock and John go to visit Elton Pope, who gives them a bit more on the Doctor, saying that he’s got two hearts, can change what he looks like, and the Police Box is called a TARDIS and is his mode of time and space transportation. While they are there, Elton introduces them to Ursula, his girlfriend, who happens to be a living, (possibly) breathing, face in a slab of concrete. Sherlock and John’s minds are blown, and Sherlock tries to figure out how Ursula is actually a trick, but cannot find any evidence to support it, and finally has to accept that she is real, and that this Doctor person might actually, in fact, be some sort of time traveling alien, or “Timelord” as Elton calls him.

OOOH JEEZE GUISE this is getting long, and I’m only about half done. If anyone actually wants me to continue to type up the rest of this, let me know I guess haha, shoot me an ask or something. I probs won’t see if this is commented on any further, IF in fact anyone makes it all the way through haha.

I realized that I have an insurmountable amount of JM gifs. Here’s just a taste. 

thesherlockedboffin: